Learn To Fly

“I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something to help me burn out bright
I'm looking for a complication
Looking cause I'm tired of trying
Make my way back home when I learn to fly high”
-    Foo Fighters from the song “Learn To Fly”

It was a cloudy day in September of 2005. I could still remember that horrible feeling. I was drained and depressed. I was badly dehydrated after two hours of non-stop cheering. The worst part was, my team barely stood a chance the whole game. I was one of the few idiots in our section who kept on cheering as the green team decimated and swept our team. It was brutal.

I dislike fair-weathered fans - those fake fans who barely sweat for their tickets for Ateneo-La Salle games. The only cheers they probably know are the two/three-word ones – Go Ateneo and One Big Fight. The only time they watch a UAAP game is during an Ateneo-La Salle match. You know why? Because they just want to be seen. I know that they probably have better things in life aside from basketball games – heck, they could even be bigger winners in life than you and I combined. They would probably just party and go on with their lives after seeing their “supposed team” lose. If I recall properly, the Ateneo side outnumbered the La Salle side then, but we were still outcheered (even during the pre-game). That is why I hate the fake fans. Big game seats get wasted on them. They can get all the good aspects in life, but not in basketball, please. This is our playground. This belongs to us.

That was probably the bitter side of me seven years ago. It was easy to relive as it was that type of “That Game.” It was such a tough defeat that it stuck in my memory.

And still, I feel like an idiot to write these things because in a bigger perspective, it was “just a game.” No wonder those fake fans appeared to be more blessed in life than I did then.

I am a Red Sox fan. If I recalled it right, I became one during one of those boring summer days in the late 90s because they were the Yankees’ main archrivals. If you actually look at it then, it did not seem like a rivalry. The Red Sox always lost to the Yankees. This was because – apart from them overpaying their players – the Yankees seemed to do all the right things all the time.

But because they buy championships and they deprived my Braves of two championships, I hated them.

The Boston Red Sox were everyone’s lovable losers. Everybody except the Yankee fans sympathized with them. Rooting for the Red Sox then was like being an Ateneo fan from 2003 to 2007 (or from 1999 to 2001). They were always competitive, but they always came up short. You can hear some fans bickering on reasons why we lost the season. In-game commentators expected the Red Sox to choke on big-time situations. They loved bringing up “The Curse of the Bambino” (this referred to the 86-year championship curse the Red Sox got after they traded the greatest baseball player of all-time to the Yankees). Ateneo did not have a curse then, however we always ended losing. When we fell to UST in 2006, the cameras showed JC Intal crying. When we got eliminated by La Salle in 2007, we were called as “pretenders” by Boom Gonzales. It was tough to root for a loser.

That final game of the 2005 season put all kinds of pain to me. The Blue Eagles not only lost, but they seemed to give up midway that game. I could not forget how many times I screamed “Puso” (Heart) at them. I knew that we were the inferior team, but I always wished they fought extra harder. Ateneo-La Salle games were not just about winning over your rivals – it was about showing some pride. The toughest sight then was when the La Salle players posed at the halfcourt (as if they were doing a photoshoot) while an Atenean was taking a freethrow. It was total humiliation. I would not be proud of our players if they did that, but the fact the Lasallites could do that and get away with ease was just dispelling.

But, why was That Game in 2005 the worst game I have ever attended? It was my final game as a college student. Ateneo got swept by their rivals on my final year in college. If you counted the previous season, we got blanked out 0-6. I watched all those horrific games live. Those six games combined were like The Grady Little Game of the Boston Red Sox in 2003.

(For those who don’t know, The Grady Little Game is the most devastating loss by the Red Sox to the Yankees in the past two decades. Both the teams were in a do-or-die Game 7. The Red Sox were leading comfortably at 5-2 entering the eighth inning. The Sox’ ace pitcher, Pedro Martinez, showed signs that he needs to be substituted after he escaped the seventh inning. However, the Red Sox’ manager Grady Little insisted on using Pedro in the 8th. It led to Boston giving up three runs as the Yankees tied and eventually won the game. In Bill Simmons’ “Now I Can Die In Peace,” he had readers write to him how devastated Sox fans were then. Grown up men were crying. Some of them could not even muster being a Sox fan anymore.)

Depressing situations make you question things you stand up for. “Why the hell am I still rooting for this bunch of losers?” “Why did I choose this team in the first place?” I ask those questions to myself as a Utah Jazz fan. Sure I could sleep well at night knowing I never bailed out on them, but it is still tough to root for losers. As for the case of Ateneo, I had zero outs. I did not ask those questions but it would not be a surprise if I went that direction then. It was depressing that I could tell myself to take a year of rest from exerting efforts for the team. After all, they just let their archrivals steamroll them. But instead, I took the generic Atenean route of thanking the team for the great year they put. What a wuss.

Sticking with your team through thick and thin is one of the most gratifying things in sports. Of course, fair-weathered fans would end up claiming they were also part of the journey but that’s beside the point. The whole journey – the pain and suffering – is what makes the victory sweeter. The Red Sox fans who mustered strength after that devastating 2003 season were gifted with the most amazing playoff run in the last 25 years. The Red Sox mounted the highly improbable playoff comeback in 2004 against their hated rivals. The Yankees were leading 3-0. Again, 3-0. Most playoff teams just cruise after having that big of a lead in wins. They just needed one and their opponent is done.

But you know what, the Sox came through that year. They could have easily lost that one game in the next four games that ensued. After all, they were perennial losers. They have the knack of stealing defeat from the jaws of victory, right? But, not that time. The Red Sox became the first baseball team to come back from a 0-3 deficit. Not only did they come back, they eventually won the highly coveted championship. If you were a die-hard Red Sox fan, it was the ultimate test of fortitude. Down 0-3 against your rivals and they were about to win the current game, would you fold? If there is a time to have the overplayed ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ song, it would have been the perfect time. Sticking with your team through thick and thin pays off.

It pays to be loyal. Just ask Chipper Jones. He stayed in Atlanta all his career and even if it just amounted to one World Series win, he will forever be revered by his peers. He was receiving gifts from opposing teams this year because of his amazing achievement.

2003. 2004. 2005. 2006. 2007. Those were the painful five years I stuck with Ateneo then. I admit, it was tough. We had our women’s basketball team bashing the men’s team because the former could win championships without the financial funding the latter enjoys. Our Lasallian friends tell us ‘call us when you reach four titles.’ We had seven game-winning streaks in the regular seasons only to witness the team fold on the crucial games. I endured That Game in 2005.

But, you know what? I would experience those sad moments again if those are what it took for Ateneo to win these past four championships.

Some time this year, I asked my friend who recently graduated on how it feels to be part of the four championships. I have to admit that I feel some sort of envy. I only got to experience one (2002) and it was during my freshman year. However, it came to my realization now. If I had to replay my life and choose what my four college years in Ateneo would be, I would still pick 2002-2006.

In a heartbeat.

I do not know if I would end up a die-hard fan if I got pampered with all these championships. It is easy to say that I might still be. Of course, I would be motivated because we always win. However, there is that little perspective that I might end up becoming an over-expecting fair-weathered fan who would bail out when Ateneo stops winning the championships and just claim that “Hey, I only root for champion teams.”

Fair-weathered fans suck.

What actually made me and a lot of the Ateneo fans in my age level become good fans were the fact that we went through a lot. It was the journey that we had that made it sweeter. I am sure the same can be said to those who endured Ateneo’s Dark Ages. Losing sucks, but that is what makes you stronger. I am sure the same can be said not just in sports, but in life. Losing makes one appreciate life’s simple triumphs. I tweeted last Saturday that winning against La Salle is always sweet. This is because I experienced that winning is not easy to come by. Losing not only humbles us, it also makes us more appreciative of life’s simple victories.

You lose. You shed tears. You believed. You lose. You see a glimmer of hope. You get blindsided. You get humbled, embarrassed and beaten to the point that it feels that you have no shot at all. However, you believe until you get to that ‘Promised Land.’

But by the time you reach that, it is not just the goal that makes it special. It is how it molded your character. Well, I am not exactly sure if I became a better fan. I believe I did (I became less bitter and defensive even if I have become insufferable and annoying). But, this writeup is not about me. It is about the fans who stuck through thick and thin after all these years. I am sure they are much happier and more at peace now.

Right now, the Boston Red Sox are back to being losers. Heck, they just gave up twenty runs against the Oakland Athletics lately. They removed the star players in their team in efforts to rebuild. Old time Red Sox fans somehow found pleasure in this. Maybe, it is because it would remove the fair-weathered fans from their team. Or, they were just pretty much used to being the deprived fanbase. No matter what happens, I am sticking with the Red Sox. Loyalty pays. And if it does not reap rewards, I could sleep well at night knowing I stuck with them.

When Ateneo beat La Salle last Saturday, I felt so confident the whole game. We have defeated our rivals eleven of the last twelve after all. However, I knew that this Green Archer squad will eventually emerge some day. Their players know it. Their crowd knows it. You can hear how optimistic they were when they outcheered the Ateneo gallery at every chance they could get last Saturday. As of now, I do not know when La Salle would end up prevailing. But whatever happens, I am prepared to believe in Ateneo even if we have the much inferior team. Team Ateneo all the way. One big fight!